[Tadashi's quiet. Patient. He lets Wally start and stop however he needs to get to that conclusion. Tadashi could tell it had happened - not from any power or supernatural feeling or anything. Wally just... had that look when he found him. The same look he had in his own eyes when he ported back in right after burning to death, that he'd tried to hide from Hiro that afternoon. And every afternoon after.
It doesn't matter that much anymore.
God, he really should find something productive to put his energy to. Maybe working on those Sparrow specs he'd talked to Cayde about.]
I'm sorry.
[He doesn't say it to be placating or patronizing. He means it, genuinely. That's just... who Tadashi is. He's sorry his friend is dead. That he's having to have that realization here. But better here than on the street or in a house full of strangers.]
I knew it would happen. [Wally can hear his own voice, like it's detached from his body. Weird. Doesn't sound like him. Doesn't sound like someone about to have a meltdown...he doesn't feel like he's about to have a meltdown.] -no I didn't. I thought it might. Like everybody does, before they die, I guess.
[Glances up at Tadashi standing there, his half-full glass of water in his own hand, looking ten years older than he did a minute ago.] It's not like anybody plans for it.
[He listens, because it's what he's good at. Tadashi sets his glass on the counter and just listens. His expression pinches, just a little, just enough to show he's thinking. Because...]
No one ever does.
[His hands clench into fists on the counter, then relax.]
When I-- [Pause. Breathe. He never talked to anyone about this. He never even talked to Hiro about it, the kid always seemed so done and he never wanted to make it worse by talking about it. But then who else was he supposed to talk to about it? His eyes are down on that counter, he can't. Look at someone else while he talks about it. It's the first time he's ever vocalized any of what happened those few minutes. Those stupid, thoughtless few minutes.] When I ran into that building, I... knew. Not- not like I remembered this place, or that I'd known ahead of time what was going to happen. But like.. You walk through the door and you just know you aren't walking back out.
So I... get it.
Edited (YOU MISS ONE / AND THE REST IS RUINED) 2020-04-08 03:52 (UTC)
[The words coming out of Tadashi's mouth feel raw and bloody, like hamburger meat, and Wally gets the feeling it's the first time they've been said like this. Talking about it, about the big I.T. It sounds like how saying "I'm dead" felt, and Wally can't look away from how very, very still Tadashi is holding as he bores holes into the countertop.]
I know, man.
[He gets it. He knew once he was running that he wouldn't be running back. He figured, and he still was there, but it didn't seem like-] Doesn't feel real. Right? Even when you can just...tell, it's like- the- [Wally gestures with his hands, still holding the glass in one, circles around something in front of him that he can't see,] -the bigness doesn't hit you. It's just like if you realize that your car's out of gas, or that you forgot your phone at home.
[An inconvenience. Maybe it's different for Tadashi, but at the moment Wally knew he'd die, he just thought it was really annoying that he would go before finishing the job, before getting to say goodbye to Artemis, to his parents. It was just-]
[He nods because, while he can't find the right word for it, Wally gets it.]
That's exactly it. And. Then you wake up here, sometimes, and it's like. "Oh". He sighs and comes to sit back on the couch with his water. He's tired and dead but it looks like a little weight was lifted off his shoulders. At the very least, he'd been unconscious when he went. The burning beforehand was bad, but the support beam falling on him did the rest. He just can't... get that image out of his head, no matter how long it's been: Callaghan's silhouette in the flames in front of him with Hiro's microbots coming to him...
You don't have to. [Wally gets up and deposits his glass in the sink, just to have something to do with his body, just so he doesn't have to sit still as he skirts the edges of this big huge thing he doesn't want to face full-on.] This is your first time talking about it, isn't it?
Not even to vent? I- [holds up hands, hold on now,] Okay, this is an extreme case of the pot calling the kettle burnt, but like, what do you even do for stress relief? Volunteer at a soup kitchen?
[IT WAS COMPLETELY MODDED OUT AND NOT A DINKY KAREN-GOING-POKEMON-GO VESPA OKAY!!!]
You and Jaime both- [He groans and just. Puts his head in his hands, hunched over his knees. There's a knock on the door and thank god their food is here. End this conversation, he's FINE. He gets up to get the order and he's not even gonna bother digging around for plates or anything. Plastic to-go utensils and eating right out of those bowls. He hands Wally's entire bag to him, holding onto his smaller, second bag.]
No. I dunno. [Gives up on trying to use chopsticks with his fried rice and digs around for a spoon.] Mind if I just stay here for a night or two? I'll figure out what to do later. Maybe even see if Mount Justice is still around.
[There's plastic wear in the bag for poor white people eating this. Tad's just watching and munching, letting kitten sniff the end of one chopstick but not lick.]
No, I don't mind. It's why I was asking, I've got a second bedroom I haven't decided what to do with yet. [He thought maybe an office or small lab, but never got that far in unpacking.]
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runningstart) wrote2020-04-05 07:22 pm
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It doesn't matter that much anymore.
God, he really should find something productive to put his energy to. Maybe working on those Sparrow specs he'd talked to Cayde about.]
I'm sorry.
[He doesn't say it to be placating or patronizing. He means it, genuinely. That's just... who Tadashi is. He's sorry his friend is dead. That he's having to have that realization here. But better here than on the street or in a house full of strangers.]
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[Glances up at Tadashi standing there, his half-full glass of water in his own hand, looking ten years older than he did a minute ago.] It's not like anybody plans for it.
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No one ever does.
[His hands clench into fists on the counter, then relax.]
When I-- [Pause. Breathe. He never talked to anyone about this. He never even talked to Hiro about it, the kid always seemed so done and he never wanted to make it worse by talking about it. But then who else was he supposed to talk to about it? His eyes are down on that counter, he can't. Look at someone else while he talks about it. It's the first time he's ever vocalized any of what happened those few minutes. Those stupid, thoughtless few minutes.] When I ran into that building, I... knew. Not- not like I remembered this place, or that I'd known ahead of time what was going to happen. But like.. You walk through the door and you just know you aren't walking back out.
So I... get it.
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I know, man.
[He gets it. He knew once he was running that he wouldn't be running back. He figured, and he still was there, but it didn't seem like-] Doesn't feel real. Right? Even when you can just...tell, it's like- the- [Wally gestures with his hands, still holding the glass in one, circles around something in front of him that he can't see,] -the bigness doesn't hit you. It's just like if you realize that your car's out of gas, or that you forgot your phone at home.
[An inconvenience. Maybe it's different for Tadashi, but at the moment Wally knew he'd die, he just thought it was really annoying that he would go before finishing the job, before getting to say goodbye to Artemis, to his parents. It was just-]
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That's exactly it. And. Then you wake up here, sometimes, and it's like. "Oh". He sighs and comes to sit back on the couch with his water. He's tired and dead but it looks like a little weight was lifted off his shoulders. At the very least, he'd been unconscious when he went. The burning beforehand was bad, but the support beam falling on him did the rest. He just can't... get that image out of his head, no matter how long it's been: Callaghan's silhouette in the flames in front of him with Hiro's microbots coming to him...
Tadashi rubs at his face with his free hand.]
I don't. Remember where I was going with that.
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MY HTML THO
Yeah. When I ported back in after it happened... everyone already knew. So there wasn't any reason to talk about it.
>.>
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Or I'd ride my vespa around for a while.
[Guess what he doesn't have around anymore. Who needs coping mechanisms, he's fine.]
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You and Jaime both- [He groans and just. Puts his head in his hands, hunched over his knees. There's a knock on the door and thank god their food is here. End this conversation, he's FINE. He gets up to get the order and he's not even gonna bother digging around for plates or anything. Plastic to-go utensils and eating right out of those bowls. He hands Wally's entire bag to him, holding onto his smaller, second bag.]
Dig in?
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She had no idea.
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[He kinda nudges Wally with his elbow while he keeps eating. Just. Ignores his kitten's wine for food.]
You sure you wanna stay in a house of strangers?
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No, I don't mind. It's why I was asking, I've got a second bedroom I haven't decided what to do with yet. [He thought maybe an office or small lab, but never got that far in unpacking.]
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